the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
4 words: hood of his car
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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