Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
