i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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