But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
