best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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