How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
