i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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