During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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