I need help removing her.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
