im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
