I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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