my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So. Much. Porn.
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