if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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