What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
