i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
