so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
