meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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