Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
