im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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