she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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