Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
