the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
