So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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