Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
