Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
