i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
