I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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