i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
