i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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