he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am available for nakedness
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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