He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
