i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
