We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
so much tequila, so little girl.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
