how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish i was in the wii world.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
