I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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