so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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