Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
