my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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