Can i not drive my cunt home
I bet he comes in French.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
