Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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