i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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