I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I can't turn off my feet"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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