What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
