Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
