We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
