How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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