so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
