turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
