Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
