After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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