remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
