the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
